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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Bellends (1st Anniversary Edition)

by The Dee Bees

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Plus an exclusive MP4 video of The Dee Bees' first ever performance of "Our Paddy"
    Purchasable with gift card

      £7 GBP  or more

     

1.
Have you seen our Paddy play guitar, with a pint of Guiness and a Cuban Cigar? As he gets on the stage and looks out to the front, he realises he feels like a bit of a c**t. Paddy, he was an Irish man. Slightly religious but he enjoyed a can. Paddy, he was s**t out of luck. And when he saw this he said "ah f**k." Late one night Paddy ate a shroom; and, with a leprechaun, jumped up to the moon. While he was up there he saw Agnes he says. Played her some fiddle and blew her away. Now they're married with three kids on the moor. But Paddy had left to have sex with a whore. Looking back, Agnes would say: "He was a terrible gobs**e anyway." Paddy had one final show, no one to talk to but a potato. He had to leave, but he had to drink on; and the next thing we knew, Paddy was gone...
2.
Billy was a working boy, beyond the hills of Minnesota. In the farm he toils, dreaming of a life he could've had. His daddy was an old farm hand; a traditional man with particular values. He scoured all the land, trying to give his son the life he had. Billy don't go chasing rainbows, why don't you understand what I'm going through? Billy please stay, don't lose your way. You know I'd never want to lose you. But you won't back down, 'cos you feel so lonely. You're gonna rock the pony. Rock the pony...
3.
I woke up this morning, with a spring in my shoe. Nothing could bring me down, not even the news. So I sat in the classroom, waiting for time to pass. The devil snook up behind me and he shoved it up my ass. Don't think I can take it, oh, I've got those revision blues. When I turn over the paper, I'm gonna blow a fuse. Last year I was a drifter, examinations I failed, but this year I'm a step ahead with my student finance mailed. But when it comes to revision, I'm scared I might not pass. But how'my gonna sit the paper with Satan up my ass? Don't think I can take it, oh, I've got those revision blues. Maybe I should just rob a bank, and end up on the news. Some people say I'm lonely, some people say I'm a fool, but they don't know I've got the knack of standing on a stool. I've given up on college, I've given up on hope. Think I'm gonna kill myself with a lengthy piece of rope...
4.
Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, get out your leather and whips. Handcuff me to the leg of the table, and put that gag upon my lips. 'Cos he's a sensual man, and he's got wonderful nips. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, I like it when you pull on my chains. The way you brush up against me, it always drives me insane. Oh, 'cos he's a sensual man, ooh that expensive champagne. Look at the folks on the otherside, we get off better than them. We like to feel pain but we never complain- 'cos we're into BDSM. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, drag me around by my hair. No need to close the curtains, they can watch us, I don't care. 'Cos he's a sensual man, ooh, lah-di-dah mon père. Look at the folks on the other side, we get off better than them. We like to feel pain but never feel ashamed- 'cos we're into BDSM. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, you've got me begging for more. So wrap your strong arms around me, you can make me feel like a whore. 'Cos he's a sensual man, he only lives next door...
5.
Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Davey. Happy Birthday to you. Yer wee b*****d!
6.
Santa he hold a rather large sack; he holds it between his legs, not on his back. Presents for children and grandparents too. But you better watch out 'cos he's coming for you. Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? He comes in the night through the wind and the rain; so open your mouth for his candy cane. So lock all your windows and close all your doors, 'cos this is the night of the Claus on all fours. Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? Can't you all see? Can't you all see?
7.
God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay. Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day. To save us all from Satan's pow'r when we were gone astray. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy. Ho, ho, ho... God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay. Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day. To save us all from Satan's pow'r when we were gone astray. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight...
8.
On the 23rd of June, 2016; the people of Great Britain made a choice. Some who fought in vain, who suffered to no gain. To leave or not to leave, that was the question. Following the UK's referendum Ms. May promised a strong and stable brexit. This is the end of our album, and now you can leave through the exit.
9.
Have you seen our Paddy play guitar, with a pint of Guiness and a Cuban Cigar? As he gets on the stage and looks out to the front, he realises he feels like a bit of a c**t. Paddy, he was an Irish man. Slightly religious but he enjoyed a can. Paddy, he was s**t out of luck. And when he saw this he said "ah f**k." Late one night Paddy ate a shroom; and, with a leprechaun, jumped up to the moon. While he was up there he saw Agnes he says. Played her some fiddle and blew her away. Now they're married with three kids on the moor. But Paddy had left to have sex with a whore. Looking back, Agnes would say: "He was a terrible gobs**e anyway." Paddy had one final show, no one to talk to but a potato. He had to leave, but he had to drink on; and the next thing we knew, Paddy was gone...
10.
Billy was a working boy, beyond the hills of Minnesota. In the farm he toils, dreaming of a life he could've had. His daddy was an old farm hand; a traditional man with particular values. He scoured all the land, trying to give his son the life he had. Billy don't go chasing rainbows, why don't you understand what I'm going through? Billy please stay, don't lose your way. You know I'd never want to lose you. But you won't back down, 'cos you feel so lonely. You're gonna rock the pony. Rock the pony...
11.
I woke up this morning, with a spring in my shoe. Nothing could bring me down, not even the news. So I sat in the classroom, waiting for time to pass. The devil snook up behind me and he shoved it up my ass. Don't think I can take it, oh, I've got those revision blues. When I turn over the paper, I'm gonna blow a fuse. Last year I was a drifter, examinations I failed, but this year I'm a step ahead with my student finance mailed. But when it comes to revision, I'm scared I might not pass. But how'my gonna sit the paper with Satan up my ass? Don't think I can take it, oh, I've got those revision blues. Maybe I should just rob a bank, and end up on the news. Some people say I'm lonely, some people say I'm a fool, but they don't know I've got the knack of standing on a stool. I've given up on college, I've given up on hope. Think I'm gonna kill myself with a lengthy piece of rope...
12.
Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, get out your leather and whips. Handcuff me to the leg of the table, and put that gag upon my lips. 'Cos he's a sensual man, and he's got wonderful nips. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, I like it when you pull on my chains. The way you brush up against me, it always drives me insane. Oh, 'cos he's a sensual man, ooh that expensive champagne. Look at the folks on the otherside, we get off better than them. We like to feel pain but we never complain- 'cos we're into BDSM. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, drag me around by my hair. No need to close the curtains, they can watch us, I don't care. 'Cos he's a sensual man, ooh, lah-di-dah mon père. Look at the folks on the other side, we get off better than them. We like to feel pain but never feel ashamed- 'cos we're into BDSM. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, you've got me begging for more. So wrap your strong arms around me, you can make me feel like a whore. 'Cos he's a sensual man, he only lives next door...
13.
Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Davey. Happy Birthday to you. Yer wee b*****d!
14.
Santa he hold a rather large sack; he holds it between his legs, not on his back. Presents for children and grandparents too. But you better watch out 'cos he's coming for you. Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? He comes in the night through the wind and the rain; so open your mouth for his candy cane. So lock all your windows and close all your doors, 'cos this is the night of the Claus on all fours. Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? Can't you all see? Can't you all see?
15.
God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay. Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day. To save us all from Satan's pow'r when we were gone astray. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy. Ho, ho, ho... God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay. Remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day. To save us all from Satan's pow'r when we were gone astray. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight...
16.
On the 23rd of June, 2016; the people of Great Britain made a choice. Some who fought in vain, who suffered to no gain. To leave or not to leave, that was the question. Following the UK's referendum Ms. May promised a strong and stable brexit. This is the end of our album, and now you can leave through the exit.
17.
I woke up this morning, no lead in my pencil- my flag was flying south. So I got out of bed, put on my head and these words came from my mouth, and I said... I've got erectile dysfunction, my soldiers not ready to fight. Doctor please prescribe me something to help me though the night. Babe, please don't leave me, I'm still a man deep inside. Why you got to hurt me? What's a man to do without his pride? My name is Loretta, I'll help you forget her. I've known guys like you before. So pull down your slacks, I'll help you relax. You'll have her shaking to the core. I've got erectile dysfunction, my soldiers not ready to fight. Doctor please prescribe me something to help me though the night.
18.
Billy was a working boy, beyond the hills of Minnesota. In the farm he toils, dreaming of a life he could've had. (Random mumbles and sounds) Rock the pony...
19.
My granny and me, out by the sea; we took a journey to Port de Cassis. The girls were so nice but I averted my eyes. I wanted to join them, but I was too shy. Granny said: "No need to hide your head. Take off your towel, we'll put those fears to bed..." Now he's lost in La Chiappa, with his little tallywacker. Watch his granny Mabel blush, as he chases after bush. And you'll read it in the papers, about Barry's nudist capers. 'Cos he's lost in La Chiappa, with his little tallywacker- Oi! I smiled at Michelle, when I showed her 'Mabelle'. I was so happy my head started to swell. And we walked by the shore, but I wanted some more. Under the water to the ocean floor...
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26.
Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, get out your leather and whips. Handcuff me to the leg of the table, and put that gag upon my lips. 'Cos he's a sensual man, and he's got wonderful nips. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, I like it when you pull on my chains. The way you brush up against me, it always drives me insane. Oh, 'cos he's a sensual man, ooh that expensive champagne. Look at the folks on the otherside, we get off better than them. We like to feel pain but we never complain- 'cos we're into BDSM. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, drag me around by my hair. No need to close the curtains, they can watch us, I don't care. 'Cos he's a sensual man, ooh, lah-di-dah mon père. Look at the folks on the other side, we get off better than them. We like to feel pain but never feel ashamed- 'cos we're into BDSM. Tie me up Doctor Kinkenstein, you've got me begging for more. So wrap your strong arms around me, you can make me feel like a whore. 'Cos he's a sensual man, he only lives next door...
27.
28.
Santa he hold a rather large sack; he holds it between his legs, not on his back. Presents for children and grandparents too. But you better watch out 'cos he's coming for you. Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? He comes in the night through the wind and the rain; so open your mouth for his candy cane. So lock all your windows and close all your doors, 'cos this is the night of the Claus on all fours. Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? Oh, Santa's a sex criminal- can't you all see? Can't you all see? Can't you all see?
29.
It's getting warmer, With this chicken korma. I like curry, but I don't like it this hot. It's getting too much, It's getting too much. It's rather spicy, My pilau ricey. It's not the flavours, That give me a fever. It's getting too much, It's getting too much. I blame the government, for turning up the sun. It's hard to eat Indian food, When the o-zone layer's gone. My mouth is burning, It's quite concerning. The depths of hell, Are colder than this bloody naan bread. It's getting too much, It's getting too much. I blame the government, for turning up the sun. It's hard to eat Indian food, When the o-zone layer's gone. I'm going crazy, For this jalfrezi. Global warming, is a right argy-bhaji. It's getting too much, It's getting too much.
30.

about

One year has passed since our *critically acclaimed [*citation needed] album "BELLENDS" was released to the public. Now, we have something very special to celebrate our 1 year anniversary... That's right, more of the same garbage. As well as the previously released stereo mixes, there's now the superior mono mixes for you to enjoy, as well as outtakes, demos and more!

credits

released September 17, 2018

Album Concept: Owen Johnstone & Ben Anderson
Photography: Ben Halliday
Special Thanks to all our friends and family who have listened to the album and who've supported us on our ridiculous journey.

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The Dee Bees Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK

North Shields' second best comedy band of 2019.

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